A Chance at Loving You Read online

  A deep frown twists my face.

  “You being engaged wasn’t an issue?” I asked flabbergasted.

  Austin sighs. He’s getting tired by the second.

  “Amy got me to pop the question when I was out of it. I mean, after days of drinking, drugs, God knows what else I did after you got married. I don’t know who I thought I was hurting by agreeing to marry her. It sounded like a good fuck you, at the time. I had no intention of actually marrying her,” he promises.

  “Seems strange to be with someone you claim not to want,” I reply.

  He chuckles. “Amy is an unflushable turd. You know you sent it on its way, but you look to find it’s still floating in the bowl.”

  “Which is another reason why I’m not interested. I don’t fight over dick.”

  “Is that all I am to you, Dani, dick? I thought the goal was more.”

  “More? You’re offering something you’re incapable of giving, Austin,” I say with a wave of my hand.

  I’m done with the conversation. My resolve appears to be strong for his benefit. On the inside, I’m a mess. I’m excited that he’s here. I want to cry upon seeing him again. I’m also confused and want to believe him, too. Wasn’t he the one that accused me of marrying Mitch to get at him? Wasn’t he the one that labeled me childish and stupid to go through with it? Yet, he did the same damn thing when all he had to do was-

  Fuck it. I’m done. Just throw the whole thing away, I decide as I begin to walk away.

  “Hey, HEY! D-D-DANI! What about me? Come on…please!” he cries.

  I must have gone deaf because his pleading doesn’t move me. In fact, I go back into the house, take my heated meal out of the oven, plate it, pop open a bottle of wine, and sit at the table to enjoy the wonderful sounds of dogs barking for the next twenty minutes as I eat.

  “SHIT! No!”

  My eyebrow notches. A loud thud. Oh, Austin must have finally lost his fight with gravity. A shame. Hum…cussing, growls… is that the sounds of something being dragged and the ripping of fabric?

  Oh well, I think, as I shrug off the yells coming from the yard.

  “This wine is really good,” I moan.

  I take another sip.

  “That’s it. Run Forrest, Run,” I chuckle at the sound of hard footsteps pounding up the deck steps. “Ouch,” I flinch.

  From the crash, Austin must have fallen. A few seconds later, the backdoor swings open. In a flash, a bruised Austin with ripped pants and torn shirt dashes into the house. I shout the command for the dogs to stop their attack. Safe, he lays on the hardwood floor to count his blessing and regain his breath.

  “Thank you,” he pants.

  “I didn’t want the dogs tearing up the house,” I drawl, after a sip of wine.

  I tramp down the desire to laugh at his disheartened expression. He brushes the dirt from his face while standing.

  “C-can I have a drink?” he asks in a strained voice.

  Me pulling the bottle closer to me is my response. Austin nods. He takes the seat across from me.

  “I’m bleeding.”

  “That makes two of us. At least a Band-Aid can heal your wounds.”

  “Dani, I’m so sorry…Jesus,” he sighs, as he rubs his bald head. “I don’t want to make it seem as if I’m saying this to convince you, but…I love you.”

  It takes everything within me not to let my feelings show. Austin’s handsome face is twisted with emotion.

  “I came to Vegas knowing I was going to try with you. Seeing you by the pool just pushed shit along, but my mind was always to see if I could be what you wanted me to be… needed me to be.”

  His trembling hand reaches across the table to seize mine.

  “You are everything I said was impossible to find in a woman. I’m sorry I let fears keep me running to every bimbo and hoe. I know I am shit, and I thought that life would be better if you never saw me as the piece of shit that I am. I never wanted to tarnish that image of me in your head…but I fucked up anyway, huh? Listen, all I need is another chance. Don’t lock me out of Heaven, Dani. I’ve been in Hell for too long…Please.”

  What will I say?

  Nothing. I let silence say it all. I let the silence decide. In spite of my stiff jaw, Austin isn’t moving. His thumb strokes the back of my hand as the minutes tick by to usher in another hour. Without words, he begs and fights with his eyes. Our people, our Tribe, believes in the soul realm… that battles are waged there, and the results are manifested in the natural. Through the beat of the drums, we say all that we couldn’t put into words. In this case, it’s the beating of his heart, the tempo of his pulse under my fingertips. I exhale, close my eyes, but do I let myself fall? Do I trust that Austin will catch me?

  “I’m ready, Dani.”

  Even still, I don’t respond. Not that night. Nor do I reply the next day, the week, or the next month. During that time, I live my best life. I vacation, I work, I date, much to Austin’s frustration. My day ends the same way, every night with the ring of my phone.

  I don’t have to wonder whose calling.

  “I don’t have the right…but…take a chance at loving me.”

  I hold the cell to my ear to listen to his same lament. My answer has always been the sound of my breath than the click of me hanging up. Why? Because I want to make his ass work for my attention. I want to make sure he’s serious that things are really over with him and Amy…that he’ll appreciate me…that he wouldn’t grow tired to move on with another. Needless to say, he’s been woman free since getting rid of Amy. It was a nasty break with the woman accusing Austin of abuse and other shit. All it took was his side of things coming to light for her to take whatever he was willing to give her to make her go away.

  “H-have you eaten? Of course, you have. That was dumb… um, I, we could-“

  “Ice cream…you can buy me ice cream.”

  “Really?! I, okay, ice cream. When, where, now?”

  I bite back a laugh at his excitement.

  “Yes, now, at the TCBY in the shopping pavilion by my house.”

  “Great. I’ll be there,” he replies, happily.

  Okay, now what?

  That’s what I’m wondering while I hide behind a SUV out of Austin’s sight. You would think I was ready for this moment. I mean, it’s going on four months. Yet, here I am, looking like a crazy person as I check my reflection through a car window, and practicing what I’m going to say. I walk out, only to hide again.

  “Come on, silly. You know he’s into you. Yes, but I don’t want to seem too eager. No, not hungry,” I press. I straighten my shoulders, suck in my stomach, and straighten my shirt. “I can do this,” I say on a loud exhale. “It’s just Austin.”

  I steal another look. Just Austin…um. Dressed in creased black slacks, and a dark blue polo that’s highlighting his own blue eyes. The two buttons are open to let a bit of his chest hair peek through. My gaze roams freely, one more time. Did he pick up a few pounds of muscle?

  “Fuck! No, No!” I exclaim when my cell begins to chime, loudly.

  During the process of me spying, I didn’t even notice he had placed his cell to his ear to call me. I fumble like an idiot to get my phone out of the bottomless pit of a purse.

  “Dani!”

  My head snaps up. Austin’s scanning the parking lot to find my position.

  “Yeah, here,” I call out as I stroll from my hiding place.

  “Oh,” he smiles.

  He’s tanner, too. Jesus, he’s aging well. I find it cute that he’s obviously nervous. It’s in the way he shifts his weight. He takes a step forward to embrace me, only to catch himself. All I get is a weak wave and a nod before he turns to open the door for me to walk through.

  “You’re looking good,” I admit with no shame.

  My admission must have taken him by surprise, just like his expression does me. At this close, this man is wrecking havoc on my senses. I’m so hot that I might melt the ice cream behind the counter.

&n
bsp; “Let’s sit till the line dies down,” he suggests.

  “So, how you been doing?”

  He shrugs. “Better now that Amy is gone.”

  I keep a straight face. He’s making it very clear that he’s free and without a doubt, ready to play. There will be no slip ups this time around.

  “Congrats.”

  Ugh, what the hell was that? I could have come up with a better response than that.

  “Um, and Nathan…I’m sure he’s recovered by now from my Dad’s beat down.”

  “I wish Phil had done more damage,” he grunts with a roll of his eyes. He leans back in his chair. For a moment, sadness flickers in his eyes. “I can’t with Nathan. I tried, after what you said, I tried to reach out, mend, shit you can’t mend a bridge that was never there, but you get what I’m saying. Thing is, I can’t fix something when it’s only being used as a crutch for the other person to fleece me dry. I don’t want to see harm come to him, I wish him the best, but it’s best I do so with him over there and me from over here,” he explains with a mild gesturing of his hands. “I can only pray that I’ll get another chance at being a father to get it right.”

  I blink a few times at his comment.

  “This is new,” I chuckle. He opens his mouth to reply, but I cut him off. “Are you going to Zahn and Naomi’s wedding?”

  “I, um, I… don’t know,” he sighs.

  “What? And miss out on getting all the praise for bringing them together? That’s some helluva handy work,” I tease.

  “I have been hanging it over his head since hearing the news,” he chuckles. Suddenly, he rubs the back of his neck. “I don’t want to cause trouble. It’s his big day.”

  I shake my head at his worry.

  “Why would you mess up his day?” I ask as if I don’t already know.

  “Well, Rainbow and Phil…I haven’t spoken to them since, you know…” he trails off.

  “Listen, Mom and Dad are living their wonderful life. There are no hard feelings. In fact, they we’re just asking me if I’ve come around to finally talking to you.”

  I drop my head to pretend to look at a spot on the table. The hopefulness on Austin’s face is too comical at the moment. Clearing my throat, I’m in control of my desire to laugh.

  “Uncle Zahn has already cleared it with Mom and Dad. Well, he just called and told them how it was going to be, but trust me, you’re the only one worried,” I promise.

  “So, are you?”

  I shrug. “Yeah, I’m going. I missed the hunt, so hell ye-“

  “Fuck Zahn, shit, I’m trying to fix my own life,” snaps Austin as he leans over the tiny table. “Are you ready to take a chance…at loving me?”

  Let me tell you, hearing it every night for months is nothing compared to having him ask me that question in the flesh. My entire body is ignited from the intensity of his voice, his expression. It’s as if he’s asking me for his last gulp of oxygen.

  “I swear to you, Dani…my life, my heart, my time, all the days I have left,…I’m hoping many, but everything, anything, holding nothing back,” he pauses to crush my hand in his, “I fuckin’ love you, and I’ll never stop showing you just how much. Just, just,” he sighs as he closes his eyes. “Say you love me.”

  Even after he opens them, he continues to hang his head to watch his thumb stroke the back of by hand.

  “I never stopped loving you, and I never will, stop,” I answer.

  He nods his head. “But do you love me enough to forgive me, be with me…marry me.”

  My hand involuntarily tightens which causes Austin to finally lock gazes with me. He works his jaw for a second.

  “Marry me,” he repeats on a whisper.

  “You don’t know how many times I’ve stood in my room in front of the mirror acting out this day.”

  “No more pretending or waiting. All you have to do is take a chance,” he laments.

  He pulls on my hand to drive home his point of giving in to him.

  My answer crosses my gums on a shattered breath. “Yes.”

  Not forced and so natural, my dreams have become a reality.

  EPILOGUE

  EIGHT MONTHS LATER

  Sounds of roaring laughter fills the house. I roll my eyes at the jacked up version of the story Austin is telling which has everyone in the room dying with laughter. I glance over to the table of gifts along the side of the wall and smile.

  “You sicked dogs on him?” squeals Mama.

  “No, I did not,” I affirm. “You’re lying,” I state with an elbow to his ribs. “He’s the one that jumped the fence to see me.”

  “That takes balls,” chuckles Mitch.

  Candy is still laughing at his side. I gots to admit, they make a perfect couple.

  “Um, I think he’s hungry,” Candy cries.

  The laughter kicks up a notch at Naomi’s distraught reaction of her baby boy trying to latch on to Candy’s big boob. In a rush, she runs to pick up the one month old. Finding a baby was easy with the high teenage pregnancy rates on the Reservation. Watching her and Uncle Zahn’s faces light up when they are caring for the little man makes my own womb jump with possibilities.

  “Okay, gifts!” Mama exclaims while getting to her feet.

  She takes a second to straighten out her ‘Birthday Girl’ sash before heading for the large chair positioned by the gift table. We all move closer to watch her open the many boxes and bags. Dad has to give commentary and response to every gift he hands her to open, which keep us all in a fit of laughter.

  “Dani,” he sings as he reads the gift card attached to the bag that holds my gift inside.

  He tests the weight of the bag. “It’s shoes,” he predicts while passing the bag to Mama.

  “Oh, I hope so,” she claps.

  I’m holding my breath as she fishes through the layers of tissue paper to get to the box within.

  “Oooo,” she teases as she balances the box on her lap before lifting the lid.

  “What’s that?” questions Dad.

  He leans over the chair to get a closer look. His frown mirrors Mama’s while their mouths move silently to read the poem written on the outside of the gift.

  “Well, damn, Dani…what the hell did you buy?” asks Mitch, a bit annoyed.

  At last, Mama opens the gift to see the contents on the inside.

  “Oh…Oh my God,” she gasps. Romance

  Dad leans in closer to ensure he’s seeing right. Mama’s tear filled eyes seeks me out among the crowd of family and friends.

  “He hasn’t seen it,” I announce.

  “He doesn’t,” Dad starts but his voice giving way on him doesn’t allow for him to continue.

  Mama stands to her feet. With an outstretched hand, she motions for Austin. Confused, he leaves my side to see what the fuck is going on. His back is towards us, blocking us from view as Mama turns the object around to allow him to see. I can tell the second he figures it all out. He goes still then steps back as if he’s been shot. In a rush, he snatches the gift from out of her hands.

  “Dani,” Austin cries.

  Not knowing what the hell is happening, everyone steps away from me to leave me standing alone and exposed.

  “Are we,” Austin turns to face me. “Are you pregnant?”

  Voices explode in the room as everyone begins to ask me the same question.

  “I see, this… but where is the baby?” wonders Austin as his gaze darts from the picture frame with the baby’s five-month sonogram and tiny miniature pink shoes.

  “Lord, man you are getting old if you forgot how things work,” teases Zahn.

  “Fuck you,” snaps Austin. “Look at her,” he points at me. “She’s not showing. H, how…, are you really, are we…my God, we’re having a baby,” he finishes in awe.

  As if all the wind is knocked out of him, Austin staggers back to slump in the chair of honor for my Mama. All he can do is marvel at the picture of our baby as everyone crowds me to give their congratulations. My pare
nts are just as thunderstruck standing next to Austin.

  I give him time to process before making my way to stand before him

  “Well, you did say you were hoping for another chance.”

  Slowly, he hands the gift back over to my Mama. His hands snakes around me to draw me between his open legs.

  “That I did,” Austin smiles. “You’re five months?” he wonders in awe while grinning at my stomach. “God, I love you…and to think, I almost missed out on this.”

  I open my mouth to speak, but his mouth capturing mine for a passionate kiss is all the response needed.

  THE END

  Well, HELLO Peeps!

  Come on and give it up for forbidden love. From Zahn to Phil to Austin, these older men were able to finally find the love they thought didn’t exist. It goes to show you that there is still hope, huh. I really hope you all enjoyed this book.

  So, what’s next?

  I’m working on my first Historical Romance. Then, we’re heading back to Keagan and the gang for the rest of the year. There will be more cases, and if all goes well, I’m going to start giving you the next generations stories of Danja/Angie, Grayson/Gigi, and Raquel children. Yes, you’ll finally see what happens with Lucian and Mariposa, too.

  Lastly, I hope everyone is doing good during these crazy times. The virus has rocked our world and has changed it in ways that we have yet to fully realize. PLEASE, be smart and safe out there, Peeps. To all the medical workers, to the hospital housekeeping staff, and all those in between, to those working in stores to bring us our daily needs, to the farmers, to the truck drivers, and police, THANK YOU for all that you are doing. I pray that you and your families will remain safe and be blessed.

  Big Hugs and Sloppy Kisses,

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